Rambling Social Scientist

I  have committed to many ventures over the years. As I take more trips around the sun I find better balance between feelings and commitments. It took many years to find my threshold for toxicity in environments and relationships. I have been able to focus in even more on patterns of behaviors from others, hence the social scientist slant.  I have found that there are different levels of tired and different levels of safety. You can be emotionally tired and you can be physically tired. Being emotionally tired is unfortunately not cured by a nap in the same sense that physical tiredness is. It's intrusive in a sense. It gets in the way of wanting to meet commitments.   When I was working in a group setting with children I used to teach about the differences between physical and emotional safety. Many of them had survived abusive situations and were at risk of subsequent abuse. I wanted to help them see the red flags in their future relationships. I thought often, "if ...

In my time as a social scientist the subject of self care has resurfaced over and over again. I would say its become an even more intense topic as I am leading a team of social scientists during a pandemic. How can we all function and maintain our composure while running meetings from our bed, or car, or patio, or walk in closet? How can I be alone, like....ever? It would seem the only way to really be available to others is if we are running on a full tank. I am still trying to sort out the whole full tank thing. What I can tell you is, you certainly have to get more creative! Creative to navigate the land mine of increased time with loved ones, the news, the heated political climate, and the lack of activity that was a fantastic escape. There seemed to be a lot of well meaning people emerge and resource find during the pandemic. They made lists of how to occupy children at home. There were education sites, field trips, and museum visits. I could imagine the curator of the list feel...

Movement on your timeline in life is a beautiful and painful process. There are times when we are in a comfortable place and we are pushed out of it. Think of it as sliding further down the thread that holds all of the experiences that make you who you are. Recently I have been examining the track of personal growth quite a bit. The notion that we can move on that life thread and gain fibers to make it thicker, longer, and stronger. We can look back and see frays. We see the broken pieces that we repaired (with or without the help of others) and how we needed to change to keep going. I can look back and reflect on distinct events. I can see what piece came out of it and how it fell into place. I can see the reward in the difficult circumstances. I can acknowledge, now that I'm getting older, that those that love me have a preview. That when they pour out the positive and goodness in my life, it is because they see what will come.  I'm honest, I can admit that I struggle to ac...

The process of growing yourself is a daunting task. Full of beautiful realizations and painful pushing. I have heard this compared to a flower or a butterfly. I've read signs, cards, and viewed artwork regarding it. The stuff I've seen is inspirational it's about feeling buried but being planted. Another one is about how painful it is for a caterpillar to emerge as a butterfly. I have spent time watching other people on their growth path. They use a lot tools for this such as reading, listening to podcasts, doing research, filling out workbooks, and going to therapy. They recognize that growth is a continual process. I would agree. There is always something to learn or experience to challenge our perspectives. The growth process, I always thought was about finding yourself. Maybe its more about noticing yourself. Noticing what makes you who you are and when you don't like what you see you make choices. You can decide to accept those ugly pieces of yourself or take the ...

In my time of working with various populations of people, I have found my most rewarding successes when working with children. Working with children is not synonymous with raising children. As a young mother I'll admit I was swayed by different camps of child rearing and if it seemed logical I went with it. Except sometimes despite my best efforts and armed with the greatest buzzwords like: cry it out, discipline, love and logic, chore charts, choice boards, etc.... it didn't really work. When my oldest was a toddler I dove into the throws of full time college as a psychology major. You learn about leading theories regarding early childhood and those are still pretty cool to explore from time to time. Some make sense, and some do not. Armed with theories, I was still riding the struggle bus EVERY DAMN DAY. Fast forward to graduate school with more knowledge and another pregnancy I felt like I at least got off the struggle bus for field trips. I have always wanted to log my ...

I have always enjoyed analogies. Crafting different ways to explain the same things in different ways, touching different audiences along the way. I spent most of my adult life obtaining education to talk, when in actuality I was meant to shut my mouth and open my ears. It has been the journey of listening to others, making observations, collecting data, and deducing patterns from human behavior. Today, I'm reflecting on a defense mechanism employed by many, apathy.  At times, I'll admit, I have lived with apathy. I see it as the intentional decision to not feel or think one way or another. I believe other people are rowing in the apathy boat with me. You could blame it on the state of affairs concerning society at this time. For some its the failure that has followed really investing in or caring for another person or cause. It can accompany something that has ultimately been too big to take on. A project with 37 steps that you lack the level of functioning to execute, there...