Its as easy as riding a bike

 Today I went for a bike ride in the lovely fall weather. I had begun to experience the familiar sensation while I was out riding that I do on every bike ride. My left arm and hand started to go numb. I wish I could blame the position of my wrist, the road vibrations, or lack of core strength on this sensation. I cannot, because this happens to me when I'm doing so many other tasks. The sensation is not unique to just my arm and hand. I get this sensation on different parts of my legs, and sometimes the tops of my feet. Sometimes across my face, and lots of twitching muscles. The twitching is exacerbated by exercise, still, I exercise. Not for vanity, but for my mind. I am blessed with mental clarity and insight while I exercise. 

Today when I started to go numb, I let go. I haven't let go of my handlebars since I was a kid, at least not on purpose. To my pleasant surprise, I did not crash my bike. I got wobbly and returned my grasp. A little ways down the road I let go again. I paid attention to my posture and found that I could let go for far longer than I thought by simply pedaling. I smiled hard and held my hands in the air. At one point, I even cheered out loud, the same declaration a child would when they experience something they are proud of themselves for. This is me literally letting go. But for the past month I have been figuratively and emotionally letting go. 

I've been working on being me. That might sound silly. But when you work hard, fight hard, and love hard there are plenty of opportunities to mold into something that isn't really who you were made to be. 

When I was about 9 or 10, I wanted to learn how to ride a bike after hanging out with other kids that didn't use training wheels. I'd been riding on the frame of my friend's bike and asked if I could try riding it myself.  There wasn't anyone holding the back of the bike during those attempts. Just me, two friends, and a few painful crashes. After several crashes, the older friend let me ride on the frame again. I look back now and think about how I had the courage to even try and ride a bike that was far too big for me without any help. Now that same feeling manifests in different ways for me, my goal is to keep letting it resurface. I want to keep being brave even when things are so big and scary and people are watching. I still have the intention of listening to friends that tell me to rest when they witness the crashes.  I want to honor the girl with the skinned knees who gave it her all. She is me and remembering that is the pathway to authenticity. 


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